I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
