Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
