i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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