happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
