Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
