Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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