i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
