That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
