I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
me + whiskey = a bad person
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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