i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
