Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
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Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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