So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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