I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
my being single is dangerous.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
