Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
