Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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