The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
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