I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
