Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
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