he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
