my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
