who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
