There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
