He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
