Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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