You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
