Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
