Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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