i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
