Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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