i think my tv is drunk
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
