google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
