i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
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I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
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my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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