Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
