nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
