If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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