So drunk its hurt
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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