mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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