Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
