My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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