I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
