just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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