this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
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