ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
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