Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
