Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
