im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
