her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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