She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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