Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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