i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
