he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
