my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
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