i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
