Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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