i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
