That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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