We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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