and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Randomize
