wakey wakey hands off snakey
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
