I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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