Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
