Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize