he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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