After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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