I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
