Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
