scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
