Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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