went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
