I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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