Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
