You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
