Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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