Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
