you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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