I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
