You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
