By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
