Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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