Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
