i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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