I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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